Posted: April 12th, 2005 | Author: dave m. | Filed under: characters, interwebby | 1 Comment »
Okay, so I just discovered Amanda Egge today (as a result of her posting a comment to the Terri Schiavo blog), but I’m captivated by the image of her as “Bambi” working for K-Mart. HOT!
So she is a comedian and (just like all other women I’m interested in) she lives far far away from me. This sucks big time, but I’m probably too small a fish to swim with this California girl anyways. Regardless, given the opportunity I would like to be sandwiched between Amanda and her photoshop skillz winner, Carrie Higgins. Why can’t I find women like this on the East Coast?
I would like her to drop by and give me some lessons in stand-up comedy. In exchange, I would be happy to turn her on to Yoga Booty Ballet. (I can’t believe they stole my idea of incorporating booty dancing with yoga).
Posted: April 12th, 2005 | Author: dave m. | Filed under: health, local | No Comments »
Last night I went to meet some friends for dinner at Jason’s Deli in Durham. The whole ride out there was somewhat surreal because everyone was driving annoyingly slow and this hazy cloud of yellow “sand” was blanketing the skies. I don’t think the blinding pollen swarm was responsible for the slow driving, but perhaps the allergy medication of the drivers was to blame. Regardless, a short 10 mile drive took over 30 minutes. (Drivers around here really need to pull their heads out of their asses.)
During the meal, a disagreement arose over whether it was possible to use MP3 files as ringtones on certain mobile phones. I asserted that this was possible, but that it was a hodgepodge of exclusive phones; some which accept .wav files, some .mp3s and some midi. So we wanted to go to Best Buy to have their highly-technical sales staff settle the argument. The distance between the deli and the electronics store is roughly equivalent to three city blocks. Thinking we were invincible, we set off to find answers to our important questions.
We didn’t even get 10 steps into the journey before the biggest puskit of the group started crying about “Oh, my eyes! I can’t see!! My eyes hurt! Waaahhh!!!” After getting summarily ridiculed and putting contact lenses into one’s filthy mouth, we were back on the path to Best Buy. But with each vehicles passing, more toxic pollen dust would scatter and we would have to relive the whole temper tantrum experience. Everyone else’s eyes were getting clogged, but only one of us was having a seizure over it. Halfway to our destination, I contemplated turning back because the whining was too much to bear, but since we had come this far it only seemed natural to finish the quest.
When we finally made it the 900 or so feet to the store, we saw that the doors were blocked with metal gates and the remaining employees stood inside laughing at us — blinded and beaten by the pollen sirocco. By this point, none of us could see, we had completely run out of water and Jay J had already consumed his ice cream cone topped with pollen sprinkles. The situation was getting desperate, but I knew that we couldn’t panic. If we panicked, we’d be dead meat out at the No Hope Commons and surely the buzzards and bats would begin their gruesome flight patterns overhead.
Thankfully, we all made it back to our automobiles and I was able to free myself from the noisy shackles of Sir Whines-A-Lot. The drive home was the exact same experience, but I could actually discern that the pollen haze was growing thicker and angrier. I am hiding in my house until this health epidemic passes.
The first picture is of a car hood that is supposed to be black. You can see how aggressively the yellow mess bonds to paint (or anything outside). The next image offers more perspective into the terrible suffering caused by nature. First cold and now poison. What’s next?
