This is what I do when I’m not at work.

Zombie Insurrection

Posted: March 27th, 2006 | Author: | Filed under: humor joke, interwebby | No Comments »

Sure, you might have been following all the bombings surrounding the Green Zone in Baghdad, but have you left yourself open to a much more prevalent and insidious threat? Namely, zombie attack? Don’t berate yourself too much — after all, many of us are underprepared for such an event.

Zombie Defense sticker

Well, thanks to our friends at zombiedefense.org, now we can learn all about this (almost) silent danger and find more creative and effective ways to run from it. Rumor has it that this site was created by some truly insane Chapel Hill locals and that it features artwork by the World Famous Dan-O.

So ease on down to zombiedefense today and eliminate the weakest link in your personal security chain. Remember — they are putting this information out there to save lives — those of you and your children. Don’t be the next tasty brain treat for someone’s undead grandma.


Monday The Thirteenth

Posted: March 13th, 2006 | Author: | Filed under: automotive, grousing, local | 4 Comments »

Forget about Freaky Friday (which we experienced about a week ago). Forget about incantations and the voodoo hex. Forget about “Signs of the Beast” and other tales of the Boogeyman. The real danger is in numbers. Number 13, for example.

From the “I knew I shouldn’t have left the house today” files:

After a really awesome weekend of sleep, exercise and quality time with friends, family and beloved pet, I awoke this Monday morning ready to take on the world. I was even poised to be “on time” for work, which in itself is a tiny miracle. But I knew I had to take care of one important thing before getting to the office.

Last week I missed the Mogwai concert at the Cat’s Cradle because I was too lazy to get a ticket and travel five blocks to the venue. This was a tragedy, and not one I wanted to repeat. So I knew I would be hard-pressed to find an available ticket to Tuesday night’s Silver Jews show (also at the incredible, amazing, possibly-best-dive-bar-venue-in-the-entire-South Cat’s Cradle).

Of course, I tried CD Alley first because they are my favorite Local Indie Record Store (LIRS). It was before 10 AM and their store was still bathed in last night’s darkness and the employee sitting behind the counter had the unmistakable “Dude, I’m not getting off this stool for another hour or so” look about him. Time was of the essence and I did not have spare time to dick around with slackers and their humiliating excuse for business hours.

So, against my better judgement and without (perhaps) fully thinking things through, I proceeded up Franklin Street to the evil empire Schoolkids Records. Dun-Dun-Duunnn!! Why malign Schoolkids you ask? How is the ‘evil empire’ comment permissible? Oh, only because they’ve been run by the biggest lame-o elitist music pricks for the last decade or so. No hard feelings on my end. (I hate those assholes).

Putting aside my personal hatred of this shrine to hoighty-toighty Indie snob “values” I went inside and begged the chap behind the counter for a Silver Jews ticket. Thankfully, this guy was about 45 or so and was obviously not as indoctrinated in the “Be a shithead to our customers” mentality prevalent at Schoolkids and he was actually a real pleasure to deal with. He kindly sold me the last ticket they had to the show and we chatted about 20 seconds before I raced to save my vehicle from a standard issue Chapel Hill ticketing and/or towing.

I was parked in one of the service spots behind the Carolina Coffee Shop and was proud that my entire engagement with the record store took less than two minutes. My emotional index was bubbling over with happiness as I saw no immobilizer boot attached to my wheel, no meter-reading peace officer filling out a tiny “fuck you” letter for my windshield and no obese, cigarette-smoking sweaty guy exposing his asscrack as his leashed my car up to his tow truck. I had gotten my concert ticket and was about to make my glorious get-away. (Cue dark music)

This was when the reality (or should I say “unreality”) of Monday the Thirteenth set in. As soon as I put the car in reverse, I heard the noisy, belabored engine of a delivery truck making it’s way thru the narrow alley that leads behind the coffee shop. Like a sane person, I stopped my vehicle and waited. The huge white delivery truck took up the entire alleyway and, once blocking all paths in and out, proceeded to sit still for over two minutes. I had an inkling that the driver saw me and my back-up lights and decided to just chill out for a while. Actually, I didn’t know what he was doing, but supposed that he was waiting for the security gate to rise so he could pull into the University parking lot back there.

Finally the big truck lurched forward and I thought that the gate must have risen and the truck was moving along. I took this opportunity to quickly back into the mini-intersection and before I could put the transmission in Drive to move forward, the eye-level rear bumper of the delivery truck crashed into my passenger side.

I was in shock considering the combinatory stupidity that led us to this collision, but the Hispanic immigrant acting as delivery driver thought it a good idea to jump out of his vehicle and begin brow-beating me into accepting blame for the incident. Now, I’ve been in enough car collisions to know that you shouldn’t just accept blame for any accident. Instead, the scene really needs to be looked at by a police officer and judged by a third party. After trying to calmly discuss things with the driver for a minute or two, I got tired of his hard-ball approach to fault assignment and phoned both my insurance company and the Chapel Hill police. He also refused to provide me any information related to him, the truck and the owner of the truck.

Roughly 30 minutes later, the police arrived and handled things very professionally and very quickly. Thankfully, they wrote up a police report so I get to drop by the police department tomorrow and pay $2.00 for a copy of it. Hopefully I can get in touch with the owner of the truck and their insurance company to file a claim for repair. Otherwise I will have to pretty much pay for the repair out-of-pocket (to avoid a $500 deductible and the surety of having my auto insurance premiums rise).

What a way to start off my week. Thanks a lot, Thirteen.


I'm Back! Aren't You Excited?

Posted: March 6th, 2006 | Author: | Filed under: generic | 1 Comment »

Okay, I’ve been back in the States for a week and have yet to post anything. The guilt is killing me. We all know that Winter isn’t my season. Anyway, there has got to be something to write.

Something to tell…

Some distraction…

Anything!

matusiak flickr photostream

Uhhhh…. flickr set? That’s all I’ve got. Sorry.