Insta-Blizzards

So one of the coolest things (at least to me) about North Idaho is that in a matter of minutes an enormous snow storm can whip up out of nowhere — even at times when no snow is predicted. This happened two weeks ago when I went into Wal*Mart and there was no snow, nor signs of snow. When I came out from shopping 25 minutes later, it looked like I fell off Santa’s sled somewhere over Antarctica. Just blizzardy-ass snow from out of nowhere.

This evening, I was too lazy to make dinner so I decided to drive across town to Winger’s. You guessed it. Winger’s is a hair band themed restaurant where they only serve blazing hot chicken wings and blare Winger out of their 40,000 watt stereo system. Totally chic and romantic, if you are in that sorta mood. Anyway, I was only in there for about 40 minutes, but when I tried to leave it was difficult to see my vehicle across the parking lot because this Class 17 snow tsunami had sprung out of the blue.

It was great. I got to race home in the sideways driving wet snow, sliding around corners and honking at all the slow moving locals. I have no idea why everyone slows down when a tiny little blizzard hits. I mean, they are supposed to be used to this, right? Well, I consider a good snow storm to be a stealth mechanism for my car so all bets are off and all rules of the road are suspended. When it snows, it is time to put on your game face. And nobody better be in my way. I just wish I had a camera good enough to share it with you.

All the power just went out while I was posting this. Thank goodness for uninterruptible power supplies. Someone must have bowed out of the Snow Dog 500 and into a telephone pole. Ooops. Time to go reset all the other clocks in the house…

US Postal Stamp Futures

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am totally into financial market analysis. And as the sharp analysts acknowledge, there are markets everywhere. Some of these markets go unearthed for decades until someone like Bill Gates or Donald Trump figures out how to make money off of them. Other markets are so large and encompassing that they are right in front of our faces, yet we often fail to acknowledge them.

Last week I went to buy some stamps from the US Post Office. When I ordered, the young lady asked if I wanted “The Forever Stamps” to which I replied “What is that?” Well, the Postal Service has finally figured something out. People absolutely hate the fact that USPS keeps raising the price of stamps, but never seems to add anything of value to either their service or to their customer service offerings. People also seem to abhor having to purchase new, more expensive books & rolls of stamps every year or face the nightmare of matching one, two, or three-cent stamps to their existing, now-non-compliant stamps.

Viola! The Forever Stamp is born!! They cost the exact same price as the 41-cent stamp, yet the Post Office makes the outlandish claim that “These stamps will work forever — no up charges, no extra stamps to buy.” I was inspired by this massive technological advance in USPS technology and at the same time dumbfounded by the fact that one stamp could remain functional forever, while the ones sitting next to them will be useless in 12-18 months. “Yes, I will take the Forever Stamps,” I said in the carefully balanced voice of a hypnotist.

Since that fateful day at the Post Office, I have spent countless hours marveling at this bold, unexpected maneuver by the USPS bean counters. Yet often I wonder “Did they do the math right?” I mean, a speculative buyer could literally make millions in future trading on the Forever Stamp market.

If we bought just $100,000 of these Forever Stamps, then in 10 years we could reap profits near $1.7 Million (based on current upward stamp cost projections). We all know that stamp prices go up. None of us knows why exactly, seeing as they occupy the same musty buildings and employ the same curmudgeonly staff from year-to-year. Highly doubtful that any of their overhead costs mushroom at a rate comparable to the stamp prices. Thus, via this estimation, Forever Stamp futures is a strong place to stow away equity for a rainy day.

Who would like to go in on this guaranteed money-maker with me?

Ironical

This morning on my rainy drive to work I noticed a white Volvo station wagon with a pink “Breast Cancer Awareness” ribbon on the back. This is not an unusual sight — especially in these parts — but what struck me as peculiar is that the driver’s window was cracked so that the smoke from their cigarette could waft out into the rain. The irony of this person’s actions contrasted with their efforts to raise cancer awareness had me marveling long into the early afternoon.

Please help fight cancer. Please stop smoking!

PS – Happy Valentine’s Day!

School Is On! Worday Cancelled!

Monday will be just another normal school day for Chapel Hill Schools. We have been experiencing some inclement winter weather recently and I guess they also had some sort of “Teacher Worday” planned. Fear not, little childrens of Chapel Hill, because school will be in session on Monday and them teachers plan on teachin’ you real good.

One From The Road

Hello Readers!

I offer blase and ungenuine apologies for my several months absence. There are quite a few posts in the queue, waiting for finalization, but many more pressing and important things absorbed the time needed to complete them. One of those “pressing and important things” was planning a vacation to temporarily escape Winter.

I am currently visiting sunny Melbourne, Australia where Summer has been a tad unpredictable. When I first arrived, it was rather cool for the season, however that didn’t last long. I’m not sure why I’m taking the time to write while on holiday, but presumably it is to give my eyes a break from all the reading I’ve been catching up on. (What grand irony.)

So, here I am — absolutely roasting in a tiny $500,000 house with neither air conditioning (they don’t believe in it here) nor a dishwasher (the same) and wondering (quite pointlessly) how the “average” Australian can afford to live in this city. Dude, I am not employing hyperbole when I state that every-frickin-thing here costs between two and three times what a similar/same item might run in the States. I know, I know — cost does not always equate to much and the All American drive to have cheaper goods and services is destroying the globe at large.

That is all well and good for a nice, academic discussion about Third World labor issues and economies of scale, but it still doesn’t do shit for those earning a basic wage trying to cover simple cost of living expenses. I guess I can ponder the same thing for the States, but at least they’ve got a Wal*Mart on every corner to defray the costs of shampoo and underwear.

Anyway, enough of my cultural comparisons and economic inequality screed. Heh. I can’t even honestly call it a screed, seeing how it was so half-hearted. More of an observation, really. Or perhaps a casual aside. Quite possibly a slight to people who make such issues their life’s work. But at least I’m thinking about it.

Okay, back to my Fall 2005 edition of the Griffith Review — my new favorite publication and truly one of the most well-written and fascinating things I’ve ever picked up in my life. (More on that later). Until then, why don’t you entertain yourself with the photos from my Aussie trip last Fall…

Next Week's Sermon

If y’all can make it down to First Baptist next Sunday, you will be greeted with perhaps my most insightful fire and brimstone prophecy to date.

We’re havin’ problems down here, y’all. And the Lord – He A Comin’ to Rectify!

Are Moderates The New FORD?

Back in Auto Mechanics school, we shared a lot of jokes. Mostly about cars, but the range of topics was truly all over the place. Most too foul to repeat here, but one that I will share is about the crappiest auto manufacturer under the sun, Ford Motor Company. I’ve always despised Ford for building such shite and then having the audacity to claim innovation and reliability. Those two claims couldn’t be further from the truth, so I was highly amused to find out that Ford was an acronym for “Found On Road Dead.”

Of course, there were some staunch Ford fans, but these people lived in the Realm of the Fool; denying an entire world of scientific and experiential fact. The brand they chose to latch onto was simply the bottom of the barrel. Probably an ignorant ideal passed along from older male family members, but a fallacy nonetheless. I know some people who view the world like this, but unfortunately for all of us, it ain’t just limited to which type of car you drive.

My friend TJ the DJ had “an interesting idea” recently. Namely, compromise. Going “middle of the road” to solve disagreements instead of circling the wagons and shooting fiery arrows into the other camp. In this post, he chastizes us all for acting like children, unable to get past our egos and comfort zones in order to explore greater truth. Hey TJ — I couldn’t agree more. Then he moves on to a feisty challenge for all participants in the argument, which is that we should all start writing for “the other side” so that we may establish common ground and improve our situation from a wiser, more secure vantage point. I think this is a great suggestion and would like to see it widely adopted.

I’ve been writing for a Conservative audience for years. Only problem is, they seem to be wrapped so tightly in vitriolic rhetoric that they are unable to see how far they have drifted from True Conservativism.(tm)

For all the examination I’ve given, the fundamental problem I keep coming back to is our “Culture of Judgement.” All walks of life want to dwindle away their days casting aspersions (usually inaccurate and overly harsh) on the people around them. It is a crucial and exhausting problem, for it seems to have no end. Also troubling is the fact that this interest in judgement never seems to turn into a stint of Self-judgement. Critical of everyone but not myself, it seems.

And I continue to target organized religion. Either as the thing that needs to be destroyed completely or the thing that needs to be shared, understood and accepted amongst peoples. Religious division and fervor are truly the root causes of our global social problems today. All the followers have “divine knowledge” that their sect is “right” and none want to adapt to our rapidly changing world. It is really disturbing that medieval fictions and the fear they produce have such a powerful grasp on the minds of millions of world citizens. This intellectual stranglehold is keeping the entire human race from self-actualizing.

The fact that the aims of religious groups continue to defy and subvert science should be as alarming as a million PCP-laced terrorists on our doorstep.

Sadly, this perspective only seems to be reached by people who avidly read the news and is not shared by those who watch the news.

[MIT just announced a lecture series on religion that looks promising. I wish I could take off a few weeks and head to Cambridge to participate. Maybe they will Open Source that knowledge like they have with so many other classes.]

So the question remains. “Is being in the middle of the road a guarantee of getting squashed?” Is there any opportunity left for moderates to bridge the gap between the extremists (who don’t seem to be listening to anyone, not even themselves)? Are we cursed to devolve into segmented in-fighting that will only drive us backwards?

Before I even click “Publish” I can feel the hate mail coming on. Out of all the topics I get flamed for, religion is always the one that brings out the ugliest in people. (Isn’t that strange? I thought religion was supposed to bring out the best in people. When did that change?) I used to get quite upset at their venom-tongued feedback, but now I just sit back and smile because obviously I am poking at their sorest spot. Failing logic or reason, they are much more capable of spewing bitterly ironic personal attacks. These examples of acceptable hatemongering are why I don’t much trust religious folk.

UNC Wins! (I Guess That's Good?)

Just about every person in North Carolina spent all day in a hazy blue cloud of burgers and beers and anticipation for what I can only assume to be the Super Bowl of college basketball. All I know is, don’t park anywhere in Chapel Hill during the 36 hours surrounding the event. If it doesn’t get towed, it will probably get rolled. And smashed. And occasionally burned. Rule #1 of Carolina Basketball — Protect your ride.

On my bus ride home, I could see huge lines outside every bar with a TV in town. Must have been close to a thousand people all wearing some charming composition of Carolina Blue. This was at 5:10 PM. Anyway, I’m really glad that they got their victory, otherwise I’d be fearing for much more widespread and vicious property damage. Hopefully no one got hurt in the fracas. Rule #2 of Carolina Basketball — Don’t plan on dining out during the game or ensuing riot.

Tonite I ate dinner at The Loop with an old Auburn buddy. On our way out we saw Fred and Chelcy sitting down and Fred asked if we were going to watch the game. In responding, inadvertently I had to speak over the table of a family just seated. After I said “Nah. I think we’re gonna rent a movie or something.” I glanced down to notice the entire family staring up in doe-eyed disbelief, as if what I were saying could not possibly be thought or spoken aloud. Rule #3 of Carolina Basketball — Never admit in public that you won’t be watching the game.

Besides the unnecessary but prevalent bonfires, property damage, trash, broken glass, traffic, noise and potential bodily harm I really love living in a basketball town. It reminds me of college, living in a football town, and going thru the same thing every Fall. W00t! UNC Won! And I think its about time for all these kids to simmer down right meow.

So What Would You Say You Do Here?

It seems like people are always asking me “What do you do?” And by this, they mean what do I do for work. Interesting phenomenon, nonetheless I thought I would try to set the record straight. I spend most of my time doing this because that is what pays the big bucks.

Right now I’ve also got some big time networking gigs happening. I’ve been thinking about getting back into technical training. Still workin’ for the city, you know. Keepin’ a little change in my pocket.

Additionally, I’ve found a great online bible study group and have been spending a lot of time refamiliarizing myself with the scriptures.

Yours in April Foolery.